Ok new rules …. Don’t let anyone hurt me…. Don’t tell anyone anything….. Don’t trust anyone……. Don’t help people who don’t help them selves…… Do have fun…… Do all the things I am interested in….
Will add to this list, I am sure I have forgotten heaps.
Highlights: stepped on a 2 meter brown snake and no bites thanx to the lord.
Lots of thinking and many ideas and solutions came to mind. Got to be careful I don’t waste to much time and allow depression to creep in as not much is going to be easy for me to do on my own…. Dunno why I thought it coulda been different. Never was in the past when everyone was hanging needing me to sort out their stuff before I could work on mine. Self discipline is possibly the only solution along with patience. When will it all come together and work out well.
The big blew
Confronting so many issues involving so many people has been difficult but all the same a blessing. I can see my goals again now my friend list has been cleaned up. I have time to hear and think and even speak now on the topics that needed my attention so badly. I have stood alone before and shall do so again now, my life my choices my investigations my decisions, my failures and my successes. The others can destroy their own lives without taking mine with them. My time will get used according to my needs now and followed up by my wants. Everyone can start helping themselves, it’s their responsibility after all not mine. They mess up, they learn from it, no more side tracks for me or I will be the one who misses out on a good future…. Thank you again dear lord for always being there for me. I couldn’t have done anything without your help.
Playing mind games
Am just about ready to give up on the people in this town, many are playing mind games with me and sorting through them is annoying me to extremes. Just want a place where honesty meets honesty, sadly I don’t think such a place exists. If I leave and have to start again, is that running or smart thinking, dunno yet. Here one of my friends is behaving quite strangely and all the conversations don’t add up to well, she’s a daddies girl, and he’s a cop. She’s saying one thing and doing another and I feel like a pawn and or scape goat. A bit more time will tell. If ever her parents ever decide to meet me, maybe I can work out who’s controlling this game and put a stop to it sooner, as enough is enough. Its really putting me off being kind to anyone and that goes against what I believe to be respectful. Time will answer all of it but will I be wasting my time if I let it unfold at the pace someone else sets and how much will I lose because of my kindness and generosity to these people.
Prayer saves the day again
Sleepless night again. Everyone relies on me to be their rock. I can’t keep it up for to long as I have my own problems and needs. Lucky for me Jesus is my rock and calls to God on my behalf. Sadly these people don’t know God or Jesus all that well, and are reluctant to rely on him themselves. The prayers I have put before the lord for everyone are being answered but my own prayers don’t even get a mention as those around me have too many needs. The stars keep me company at night, and sometimes the lord shows his presence by showing me the stars when I am lacking in hope and trust. I love you and thank you lord Jesus.
Power of Prayer
There are times when I pray for something that I believe is 95% unlikely to happen and it does. I pray for a single star on a night when the rain has set it and is forecast to last days even a week and I get 15 in 15 mins, and the whole sky, not a single cloud in it, in an hour. This happens so frequently that my friends sometimes forbid me praying for that star cause the town needs the rain. My Hope, Faith and Trust in My Lord Jesus is the true miracle, and he shows this to me every time I Pray. Thank you My Lord Jesus, with all my heart.
I was totally honest with someone today and told them how I felt, I am plzd with my decision to do so so far and I now know he is safe though he has many problems lately with his house flooding he prized to call me as soon as he has some spare time. I am delighted by the thought and know the happiness I will feel when he does as it will be the same as every other time I hear his voice or see him…. I will have trouble containing my joy and my smile will last for days. His reply washer than I expected nut far less than I desired. I asked the lord tonight if he cared and I was told yes by the single star he presented in a thick cloud cover as the lord answers many of my questions this way. Thankyou my lord for the tears of hope you gave me.
How privileged am I?
I was reading a magazine yesterday and was seriously reminded of how blessed I am, with all the sad, painful and unfair things that have happened in my life and they just keep on coming, I keep on hearing of people who go through much worse. I know I don’t understand their pain or the devastation in their life, I can only be grateful I don’t know it or understand as just reading about it brings me to tears. Seems all the stuff I worry about is superficial compared to what can happen.
Thank you lord for being with me in my life, protecting me and guiding me, to places where I had some protection from the pain and suffering.
The Sapphire mine. Well all is not well it collapsed and if there’s any more rain another section may too. Looks like it won’t dry for months and more rain is due in a few weeks and flash flooding is a very high possibility still if more water gets in the mine will have to be closed permanently for safety reasons….. This is a possibility anyway as an inspection will need to take place before it can reopen anyway… No more sapphire for at least 6 months after the water is out of the mine and stability is checked …. I will just have to come up with a new plan and a new new mine but where is the best place to start it will have to go back to my research notes and remember all the geological and gemology data required to locate them…. There’s so much to consider and the best places are in the most dangerous areas ….. Such as the location of the current mine.
Hidden in the heart
My sadness is locked deep within my heart, only those I love know it’s there. One day the only person that ever saw it the first time we met, may return back into my life, then I will be able to open my heart again. I live in hope and for my dreams. Those that are around me have no idea, they see me but they don’t, as they have there own problems….. Where is the one who sees my heart. I have been alone for so long. I need you. Plz come back. We will find our home together if you will allow it. I know you know your running, talk to me. Tell me why, I am scared in my life. Together we can be strong and happy too.
Heaps of stress… Not letting anything get me down will and have been partying for months and am starting to have fun and laughs in my life again. Feels good after so long of living by everyone else’s rules. Making my own rules and culling the users from my life, been interesting also as setting fun but not dangerous booby traps for my Stalkers turned out to be s big laugh for is all and a boring and annoying experience for them…. Lmao at em now. Hugs for the good people in the world
Funny how when people lie about you they race across the street so as not to pass to close, even those supposedly scared of no one, and how people who stand body guard for someone who they know did wrong won’t cross the last 3 meters to bash you when that’s the threat. I wonder what made them think they were entitled to do these things…… Has me lol ….
Ohh man now a date
Now I am being set up on a date with a really nice guy ….. WOW…. Shit I will probably embarrass myself …. Oh well it will be fun. Met only last week and though, I was shy he was more so which is quite amazing really, never met a guy that looked so nice to be so shy. Am surprised he talked about me so much to his friend am regretting not getting to know him better last weekend. May go visit him 1 weekend too if it is impossible to meet up with him this Friday. Have been thinking about the day when I see him again. Wonder what I should tell the family I am not sure they will approve …. What else is new…….WOW ……
Had the biggest argument with a good friend cause her man keeps telling lies about me. Have had enough of it and only found out 1am Sunday morning on top of that seems he’s been doing it for months now and well she’s not about to listen to me over him. If he wanted to ruin our friendship then succeeded and hopefully it’s all finished, but cant be sure that’s his goal yet. All these months she’s been pretending and using me, I am so disappointed about it all. I know I am better off now that it’s all out in the open, I just don’t understand why this is all happening. I was never interested in her man in the first place let alone having sex with him. I never even been anywhere with him alone for more than 2 mins and that was to use me to get a lift to work at her suggestion. How did helping someone become so dangerous. Now I am to be bashed and stabbed and the police say they have other more important matters to attend and don’t think it’s serious enough for their attention. What’s it take to be serious enough for them.
Well 36 hours of fun was great. Stalkers got bored under the house in the mud. Night club interesting met Brendan ands got into trouble for not letting him know he was cute cause he was being shy and was scared I’d reject him cause he was younger than me by a lot of years ….got to catch up with him we like the idea of dancing together and the way each other dances too ….. Its was so sweet … Makes me forget my Stalkers and the nastiness from around the place …… Am so happy considering the circumstances ….lmao at all who would have and tried to wreck it for me.